


Sleeping Alone

by RoyallyJeleanor



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Breakup, M/M, Malec, Tears, post 2x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-10 00:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11679849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyallyJeleanor/pseuds/RoyallyJeleanor
Summary: "Alec watched the elevator doors close in silence, his heart dropping as he heard the soft clunk of the doors shutting. Shutting Magnus out of sight and out of his life."A post 2x18 fic showing Alec and Magnus's reactions and emotions following their breakup.





	Sleeping Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely loved the Malec scenes in episode 2x18 and they had me in tears, so I had to write something following the breakup. I'm sure loads of people have written post episode fics already and I'm sure most of them will probably be better than this, but I thought it was worth a go and I enjoyed writing it! My first ever Malec fic, so I hope I've done the characters justice!  
> I hope you enjoy!

Alec watched the elevator doors close in silence, his heart dropping as he heard the soft clunk of the doors shutting. Shutting Magnus out of sight and out of his life.

He'd felt a surge of panic the second he'd understood the meaning behind Magnus's words, desperation firing through his blood as he practically begged Magnus not to leave him. But now that was replaced by a fierce ache in his chest and a burning in his eyes as his mind tried to comprehend what had just happened.

Alec blinked quickly, rubbing a hand roughly over his eyes to try and remove the tears threatening to fall. He couldn't cry, not now, not here in the middle of the institute. His little brother was laid in a room mere feet away, having only just clung onto life. He was the head of the institute now, he had to act like it. He would have to deal with his shattered heart later.

Hearing the harsh tapping of heels ringing throughout the hallway behind him, he took a deep, albeit shaky, breath and spun around, hoping his eyes didn't display his pain.

"Everything okay, Alec?"

He was relieved to see his sister stood a few steps behind him, giving him a small smile despite the concerned furrow of her dark eyebrows.

Not trusting his voice, Alec gave a quick nod, moving forwards to urge her back into the medical room. He couldn't face her questions, despite her good intentions, and wanted to return to the room where the focus would be on Max and not him.

Just as it should be.

As Magnus stared at the shining metallic doors before him, he couldn't get the image of Alec's desperate face out of his mind. His tear filled eyes shattering something inside Magnus that seemed to physically hurt him.

He didn't know how long he stood there, not even noticing the doors had opened until he heard the disgruntled calling of a shadowhunter, asking him non too politely to move out of the way.

Blinking back to the present, Magnus didn't even have the energy to make one of his usual sarcastic reply, instead giving what he hoped was at least a harsh look although he doubted it showed any menace.

His legs felt shaky beneath him as he continued down the corridor and he had to take a few steadying breaths before he felt in control enough to open a portal back to his loft. As soon as he was back in the safety of his own home, he felt his remaining strength drain out of him, his head whirring with recent events. Memories of him and Alec were on repeat, interspersed with his meeting with the Queen and was making his head spin.

Practically falling onto his sofa, Magnus squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying to clear his head. It worked for all of 2 seconds, before he was hit with a particularly vivid memory that pulled the air from his lungs harshly, leaving him desperately trying to take a breath.

Ragnor. His best friend urging him to open his heart and take a chance on love. Look where that had gotten him.

"I tried Ragnor, I really did," Magnus couldn't help the sob that burst from his chest, his voice raspy as he spoke into the emptiness of his loft. "I love him so much, but I can't be with him and our people at the same time." He pushed the palms of his hands into eyes, trying hopelessly to stop the tears which were now flooding down his cheeks, his breath coming in rough pants as his shoulders shook.

He loves him with his entire being, heart and soul. God, he loved Alec so much that them being over was too painful to bare, despite it being his choice.

Alec gave what he hoped was a smile at his little brother, ruffling his hair gently before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"You scared us there Max, don't ever do that to us again you hear me," he asked him, his voice wavering despite his efforts at seriousness.

When Max gave a small nod, a cheeky smile pulling at his lips, Alec felt himself let out a breath of relief he didn't realise he'd been holding.

"You try and get some sleep Max, we'll see you in the morning," Isabelle murmured, pressing another kiss onto his pale cheek, staining it with her bright red lipstick. Alec would usually have teased them with a witty comment, but right now he couldn't even bring himself to mention it. At least the lip mark showed that Max was loved. For a split second, Alec almost felt jealous, but he squashed that thought just as fast as it appeared.

He followed his mother out of the room, saying goodnight before he began making his way to his bedroom, moving as if he was on autopilot. He didn't even realise his sister had hurried down to hallway to catch up to him until she linked a slender arm with his.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" She enquired softly, her voice laced with sisterly concern rather than the accusation he expected. That he deserved.

"It's over." Alec replied bluntly, "I ruined it."

Isabelle let out a soft gasp or surprise, her hand instinctively tightening her grip on her brother. "Alec I'm sure that's not true! Magnus loves you!" She assured him fiercely, her eyes sparkling with passion when Alec finally turn to meet her gaze.

"Perhaps he does, but it doesn't matter. I lied to him, I betrayed his trust after I promised him I wouldn't. He wants to protect his people and he believes that being with me puts that in jeopardy."

Isabelle caught the flash of pain that crossed Alec's face as he spoke, despite his best efforts to hide it. "No, I know he loves you! You can work this out together-" she began, her voice urgent before Alec interrupted.

"No we can't. He's doing what's best for him and the downworlders and I have to respect that. I was stupid to ever think we could make this work," Alec continued, tears burning the back of his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. "He's an all powerful, immortal, amazing warlock and I'm just a shadowhunter. Anybody would be lucky to be with him, he shouldn't be with me when all I've done is betray him."

Isabelle felt her heart break for her brother as she heard him putting himself down. He doesn't realise how truly special he is. "You've loved him, taken care of him and supported him. You put his wellbeing before your own every day! You-" she tried desperately to show her brother his own greatness, but Alec wasn't having any of it.

"Stop! It's over, Isabelle."

With that, he pulled his arm non too gently from his sisters grip and strode down the corridor, ignoring Isabelle's calls. He practically ran the rest of the way to his room, harshly pulling the door open before slamming it shut behind him, his body slumping against it.

The solid wood was almost reassuring behind his back, his body had felt ready to crumple to the floor all evening. He felt his shoulders slump as his head fell backwards to rest against the door, glad to no longer have to try and maintain his professional stance. He was tempted to just let his body slide to the floor, let himself slump in a heap on the cool wooden floor, but if he did he doubted he'd be able to find the strength pull himself back up again.

Squeezing his eyes shut and taking a deep breath, he pushed himself upright again and began getting ready for bed. Or at least, he managed to drag himself to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face before harshly dragging off his clothes, the material of his top feeling stifling.

When he was finally in just his boxers, he pulled back the bed covers and climbed in, the chill of the cool sheets causing to goosebumps to spread across his skin. It had been days since he'd spent a night alone sleeping in his own bed, but it now felt like years ago. Usually when he and Magnus spent the night apart, he would at least get to fall asleep to the sound of Magnus's voice lulling him to sleep through the phone. Now the silence was deafening. He'd gotten so used to the warmth of Magnus next to his, the weight of him curled up against his chest, that he found it almost impossible to get comfortable. Rolling onto his side he wrapped the cover around himself tightly to try and replicate that warmth. Just as he moved to turn off the dim lamp on his beside table, he caught the glinting of metal out of the corner of his eye.

Almost hidden underneath the thick novel on the table, was a delicate silver chain. Reaching forward to pull it out carefully, Alec felt his chest tighten as he recognised the long necklace of Magnus's, a dark chain with a large emerald pendant on the end coupled with two shining silver beads.

Magnus had been wearing it last week when Alec had asked him to stay the night, not wanting him to have to travel him so late and use his magic after such a tiring day. Instead, he'd quietly led Magnus into his room and they'd carefully undressed one another. Alec had taken as much care as he could to lift the chain from Magnus's neck, placing it beside him for safe keeping. Then, they'd fallen into bed together and made love slowly and tenderly. Worshipping each other's skin with gentle fingers and soft kisses, mapping the expanse of each other's bodies. Alec had fallen asleep listening to the sound of Magnus's soft breathing, feeling the most content he'd ever been in his life, his arms wrapped tightly around Magnus as his hair tickled his chin.

And now? Now, he was laid in that same bed alone, feeling the exact opposite. As he ran his fingers across the necklace slowly, he felt the tears spring to his eyes again and this time he didn't have the strength to suppress them. Alec let out a great, shaking sob as the first tears fell and held the necklace close to his heart. This was the only piece of Magnus he had left, now that he'd lost his heart, and that thought alone was enough to keep the tears coming for what felt like hours.

For a moment Alec had felt as if he had it all. He was finally able to be himself, to live freely and openly with the most amazing person he'd ever met. And then he'd ruined it.

He finally fell asleep when his throat  
was raw and his eyes sore and puffy, having eventually run out of tears, the necklace clenched so hard in his fist he'd awaken with the imprint of the precious stone in his palm.

Hours, and more than a few large vodkas later, Magnus managed to drag himself up from the sofa and stumbled ungracefully into his bedroom. When he had finally changed into his satin nightgown, not even caring to put his clothes neatly away as he would usually, instead giving an uncoordinated flick of his arm to stuff them haphazardly into the wardrobe, his eyes couldn't help but wander across the large room.

He hadn't noticed before how much of Alec had slowly made its way into his loft, Alec not only infiltrating his heart but every aspect of his life. One of his jackets thrown on the armchair in the corner, his favourite blue mug sat on the bedside table on what Magnus now saw as 'Alec's side' of the bed, a pair of his boxers peeping out from underneath the bed. Magnus let out a moan of sadness before he'd even realised, squeezing his eyes shut briefly to try and stop the memories from beginning again. As he moved towards the bed he noticed one of Alec's jumpers in a heap on the floor and couldn't stop himself from picking it up. The material was soft between his fingers and Magnus gave a sad, watery smile as he realised it was one of his favourites. A deep green, it brought out Alec's eyes beautifully, hugging his body in all the right places.

Magnus took a deep breath, letting his gown fall from his shoulders before pulling the jumper over his head without thinking. It swamped him completely, the sleeves falling over his arms, but in that moment it made him feel closer to Alec. He knew he wasn't going to be close to Alec in the way he wanted again and so the jumper would have to suffice. His vision was blurry, tears swimming in his eyes as he clambered into Alec's side of the bed. He'd spent years sleeping alone in this bed, but now the bed felt almost foreign to him. It was too big, too cold, too empty.

He tried to stretch out, trying to convince himself the extra space was a benefit, but he instantly curled himself back up, burrowing his head into Alec's pillow. He missed his shadowhunter taking up the space beside him, the safety and security his arms could provide. Taking a deep breath, he could smell Alec all around him, his cologne mixed with the intoxicating smell of Alec's skin which seemed to alighten something primal within Magnus. Wrapping his arms around himself, his hands tucked into the material of Alec's jumper, Magnus let his remaining tears fall.

Alec had once asked Magnus what he was afraid of, and this right now, was it. The feeling of unbearable pain and sorrow that came with having his heart broken. But this time was so much worse than all the occasions before, because this time he had lost the love of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)


End file.
